I'm sitting here listening to my daughter breath as she sleeps next to me and I'm and going through old baby pictures on my computer. As I watch her growing up, through them, I wonder where she will be when she is my age. Will she have gone through the things I am going through? Will she have it better? I realize now, more than ever, that my example will set the foundation for her life. What she will or will not accept for herself will be based on what I teach her, not through my words but through my actions.
Being a single Mom puts all the more pressure on me to make good choices on everything from the food I consume, to how I react to life. I have to show her that I am strong and that I will find the good in any situation. That no matter what is handed to me I can smile and still be happy. I want the tough times to be remembered the way that I remember my Mother through our tough times. Though she was not a Single Mother the way I am, my father worked quite a bit and was gone often. We had very little with just my father’s one income when I was growing up. I remember the times my Mother had to take a block of cheese and make it into a fun snack for my siblings and me. She never let us know that it was the only thing we had to eat. The times we picked cans up from the side of the road as a family to earn enough money to feed all of us are some of the best memories. I remember those hard times with joy now, because of the example my Mother set for me. I want my daughter to have that same legacy to pass down to her children… my grandchildren.
This whole situation sucks. I would love for my husband to step up and be the person he promised to be and who he was when we met. But I can't make those choices for him. I can choose to either cry about it or decide to enjoy this new adventure that I have taken. Hopefully when my 3 year old is my age, she will look back while looking at pictures of her children and think of what a joyfully time this was for our family. Hopefully that joy will then be passed on so that my Grandchildren can face their hardships with a smile that will make them that much lighter and easier to bear. Life is always easier with a smile on your face. :)