Village of Life
  • Home
  • Resources
  • Empowered Camping

Can you make it on your own?

5/9/2012

1 Comment

 
In the past week I have had the opportunity to sit with two friends of mine who have recently become single parents.  Each of them asked me the same question,“Michelle should I stay where I am or should I move closer to
family?”  Of course, my answer to them was that they should do what they feel is best for them and their children.  As I look back on those conversations, I think what they were really trying to ask was, “Do you think I can make it on my own without family close by to help me with my children?”  Since both of my friends are asking the same question, I would have to guess that many of you are asking yourselves the same thing.  That is why I thought I would share with you a bit more of how I have gotten where I am today.

When I became a single parent I was working part-time making quite a bit less than I am making now (over half my current salary).  Can you guess that times were tough?  I had a four month old and a three year old that I had to do everything in my power to keep safe.  That meant fighting with everything I had (and a lot that I did not) to pay attorney fees, custody evaluators, councilors, and professional supervisors during my children’s visits with their father.  All this on top of regular expenses that I was used to sharing with my husband like work related childcare, groceries, housing, utilities, etc.  The first two years I went without much help at all from my ex monetarily.  In fact, it took over two years to finally get a child support order in place so that I could have ORS garnish his wages.

Luckily for me, I was able to go to work full time for my current employer about six months after leaving my husband but the legal fees just kept getting worse and I dug myself pretty far into debt.  So between the money troubles, legal drama associate with a divorce, emotional trauma of losing half the people you love (my ex’s family disowned me for leaving), and now having to do all the parenting on my own, there were days that I was not sure if I would be able to make it on my own.  This is perfectly normal.  Big changes in life almost always leave you wondering.  It is definitely helpful to have family close to help as needed but I am living proof that it is not necessary since my mother was 2 and a half hours away the first three years of my becoming single.  Many days I made through out of sheer will but I would have to say that my saving grace was my neighbors.  I strongly believe that you are exactly where you are supposed to be at any moment in time.  I know that I owe my neighbors a HUGE thanks for keeping me going and for keeping me sane. 

The neighborhood that I moved into was mostly townhomes so my neighbors were in close proximity to me.  This helped bring us together since we could not walk out the front door without running into someone.  I had one neighbor that was quick to bring over cookies to welcome us to the neighborhood and her daughter and my oldest daughter quickly became best friends.  She was sweet enough to notice when I needed a break and invited my daughter over to play often.  Then directly across from me was another single mother with children very close in age to my children so we became friends quickly through our children. She too could tell when I needed a break and would gladly sit outside and watch the kids play as I got a few things done inside the house.  Another friend, who helped me start Village of Life, was a single mother who had her daughter in the same after school program that I had my children in so she and I took turns picking up the kids if we knew the other parent was going to be late.  We also took turns cooking dinner to give each other a chance to relax.  Through all of this, each of my neighbors gave me the adult interaction that a parent absolutely needs to stay sane.  I was able to talk to them about parenting challenges that I was going through and work/life balance issues that I had to overcome.

The question remains, do you need to be close to family to be able to make it on your own?  I don’t think so.  But I do strongly recommend that you get to know your neighbors better or keep some good friends close that you can trust to help you.  This takes humbling yourself enough to ask for help (I still struggle with this one) as well as being caring enough to be able to help someone else.

We were all sent to this earth to help each other.  Whether you are single or married, you were not meant to do this alone.  “It takes a village to raise a child.” Be bold and band together with other parents in order to make life easier on yourself, your children, and someone else who is walking the same path you are.  If you need help finding another single parent to work with, go to the Contact Us page within this site and type in your information.  We only collect the most basic information here to protect your identity and privacy.  As I receive information from other single parents, I can start to match up parents to help you build that bond to build a better life for you and your children.

Until then, keep your chin up and remember the words to this song every time you start to question if you can make it or not.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXL65Nd_O1o  Your angles are waiting for you to ask for help so don’t be shy.
1 Comment
    Picture

    Michelle Rasmussen

    A single mother herself, has learned how to successfully raise strong, self reliant children that are sure to be assets to society.

    View my profile on LinkedIn

    Archives

    December 2019
    February 2015
    April 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    July 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Action
    Anger
    Baggage
    Blessing
    Blessings
    Breath
    Bright Girls
    Burden
    Busy
    Change
    Child Directed Interaction
    Children
    Chores
    Confidence
    Contributions
    Control
    Courage
    Cursing
    Custody
    Dating
    Deadline
    Describe
    Discipline
    Divorce
    Don
    Don't Give Up
    Earning Potential
    Emotions
    Employment Tools
    Encouragement
    Enthusiasm
    Evidence
    Fairytale
    Families
    Fear
    Garden
    George Myers
    Goals
    Happiness
    Hardships
    Hurt
    Ideal
    Imitate
    Issue
    Judgement
    Keep Going
    Language
    Learnvest
    Legacy
    Letting Go
    Living Life
    Love
    Love What You Do
    Meditation
    Milestone
    Mother
    Mother's Day
    Motivation
    Networking
    Overcoming
    Parent Directed Interaction
    Parenting
    Parenting Skills
    Parenting Tools
    Patience
    Pcit
    People Helping People
    Perspective
    Plan
    Police
    Positive
    Praise
    Pray
    Prayer
    Preemptive Discipline
    Pride
    Priorities
    Protected
    Purpose
    Reality
    Recognize
    Reflect
    Repetitive Trait
    Resolution
    Roots
    R & R
    Self-control
    Self Doubt
    Self-doubt
    Self Esteem
    Self-esteem
    Self Fulfilling
    Self-fulfilling
    Self Reliance
    Self-reliance
    Self Respect
    Self-respect
    Seminar
    Single
    Smart Girls
    Steps To Take
    Stress
    Strong
    Stupid
    Support
    Swearing
    Take Action
    Thankful
    Timeout
    Tough
    Truth
    Victim
    Victory
    Wings
    Work
    Worry
    Yelling

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.