I have recently had an experience that rocked my foundation and left me extremely unmotivated to do the everyday things that I know that I need to get done.  I have found myself not getting my school work done to completion and not getting simple housework done.  I am sure that I am experiencing a slight depression.  As I experience this, I realize that there are a number of people out there that have far more difficult obstacles in their lives and may be experiencing a much deeper form of depression or lack of motivation.  So I am going to share with you the steps I have been taking the last few weeks to get myself back on track to a happy and motivated state of mind.

The technique that I am going to share with you I learned from a wonderful life coach named Marinna Siri.  If you would like to learn more about her she has a great website at: http://beabsolutelyfree.weebly.com/index.html.

Marinna taught me that we attract to us emotions through vibration.  Each emotion has its own vibration and we can change how we are feeling by changing the vibration in our own bodies.  This comes from the law of resonance which states that when two vibrationing systems come into contact with each other, the vibration of the weaker body will adjust its energy to match that of the stronger body.  This is not a new concept and I have heard about this many times before but never really experimented with it until I met her. 

Love, gratitude, and joy are some emotions that have the highest frequency of vibration.  By creating high frequency vibrations in yourself you can begin to feel happy even on your worst days.  To do this you have to take time each day to kind of meditate.  I am not talking about meditating in the traditional Hindu or Buddhist way but in a very simple and easy to follow way.

First thing that you need to do is commit to yourself that you are going to love yourself.  Then you have to take an assessment of your state of mind in the moment.  I like to lay down when I am doing this activity mostly because I do it first thing in the morning before getting out of bed.  Plus it helps me relax and live in the moment.  As you assess your feelings, simply learn to be present.  Start by just taking an assessment of your physical feelings.  Scan your body starting with your toes and tune into anything that is going on.  Slowly work your way up into your ankles, to your knees, then thighs… all the way up to your head.  All you need to do is by the watcher of the sensations that you are feeling.  If you are not feeling anything, take your hand and touch your arm or shoulder or somewhere else on your body.  This will give you a baseline of your physical state.

Now begin to look inside at the emotions that you are feeling.  If you fully feel an emotion, it should peak in about 10-30 seconds.  What you’ll find is that emotions come to you in waves.  When we feel like we are drowning it is because we have lost ourselves in the waves and our goal is to jump up on top of the wave and ride it.  By becoming the watcher of the waves, you put yourself in a position to ride the wave much easier and take yourself out of the victim role.   Soon you will become good at surfing your waves and not letting them push you down.

Once you are present and aware of the emotions you are feeling then you can begin to change the frequency you experience with certain issues.  My issue recently has everything to do with trust.  So as I think about the issue and become present with myself and become the watcher of my emotions; I start to allow my mind to think about happy times.  Times when I experienced higher frequency emotions.   For me this was the first time I held my children.  Remember, if you are doing it right, if you are riding your waves of emotions, you should be almost outside of your body.  Like you are watching a movie but also experiencing the movie at the same time.  So as I lay there and allow my mind to picture the first time I held my children in my arms, my heart starts to feel lighter.  The heavy feeling I was having as I thought about my trust issues begin to also feel lighter.  The whole time I am going through all these emotions I breathe deeply.  What you are doing is training your body how to feel with each deep breath.  Doing this exercise everyday, trains your body how you want to feel and by connecting it to your breath you are training your body to feel lighter with each breath.  That way, when you find yourself in an anxious place… you have to ask your boss for a raise, or you have to confront your significant other or your Ex about an issue that feels heavy to you… you can calm yourself down and feel lighter just by breathing.  Then you are able to address the issue with confidence.

I hope you enjoyed reading this week and I hope to hear about your success stories.  Please share them with everyone by leaving a comment.

Growing up, swear words were just another word in my house.  In fact, it was so bad that my grandmother’s favorite word was the “F” bomb.  She said that it was the perfect word because you could say it when you were shocked, when you were mad, and even when you were ready for bed.  I remember one time we had a Super Bowl party at our house and my dad told all his friends to watch their language once his mother arrived.  He told them, “No one is allowed to swear unless my mother does first.”  As soon as she walked in the first word out of her mouth was the “F” bomb and laughter erupted throughout the room.  So when I went out in public, I could not understand why parents would get so upset when I would swear around their children.  I thought they were just words and people should not be so sensitive.  Now that I am a mother, I understand their anger.

But understanding their anger and curving the language I grew up with are two completely different things.  It is hard to curve a behavior that is so ingrained in you that you don’t notice when you are doing it.  I find it even harder to refrain from swearing when I am angry.  That is why we initiated a sweat jar in my house.  Anytime my girls hear my say a swear word, they are able to put a rock in my jar.  When the jar fills up, I have to take them out for a special (and expensive) excursion.  I did this for a few reasons.

First, I made the reward for them to catch me swearing fun so that they were incented to catch me and they recognize that even I have problem behavior that needs correcting.  I want them to know that no one is perfect and everyone has something that they can work to improve about themselves.  The key is to improve 1% every day.

Second, I made the excursions expensive because I found that I tend to have a shorter fuse when I am stressed about money.  So if I know swearing over something stupid like a glass of spilled milk is going to cost me big, I will be more aware of it myself and catch myself before it comes out of my mouth.

If you find yourself having difficulty changing a behavior within yourself that you want to change, the first thing to remember is that you should not give up.  Dwelling on the problem can only increase the problem.  After all, when you criticize yourself you create a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Rather than say, “you’re driving me crazy.” to your children; try saying, “I can stay calm.”  Then log your victories each time you follow through with the positive reinforcing statements.  Celebrating each small victory will boost your confidence and your ability to stay the course.

Charles Dickens said, “Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

I am a huge fan of “Gone With The Wind”.  I used to watch it all the time with my dad.  He wanted me to love it because he loved anything to do with the Civil War and he wanted me to do the same.  I originally fell in love with it because it is so romantic and I love the dresses that they used to wear during the Civil War.  I always wanted to be a spoiled southern bell during the time period just before the war.  To not have a care in the world except what you are going to wear to the barbeque on Saturday.  Yes, that would be the life….

It seems like every time that I watch “Gone With The Wind” I find new meaning in it and new reasons to love it even more.  I just watched it again last weekend with my girls after we spent the weekend in Heber, Utah watching a Civil War reenactment and going to a Civil War ball.  Scarlett O’Hara has always been a character that I admired and wanted to be like.  The first time I watched it I was only 13 and I wanted to be like Scarlett because of all the men that swooned over her.  Her beauty and passion for life attracted men of all ages and I wanted to be like that.  But as I sat there and watched it for the ten thousandth time, I realized that one thing that I love most about Scarlett O’Hara is her courage.  No matter how bad things got or how scared she was, she did not show it.  She was determined to come out on top no matter what.  One scene that portrays this better than any other is when she runs to the garden and picks a radish to eat, then stands and says, “As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.” 

It is that type of courage that pulls so many people through the worst situations.  It is that kind of courage that built this great nation.  Where else in the world can someone go from the depths of poverty to being one of the wealthiest people in America?

Oprah Winfrey is one of those people.  She was born to a poor unwed teenaged mother.  She was raped at age nine and gave birth to a baby boy at age fourteen that died in infancy.  Yet at the age of 32 she became a millionaire when her talk show went national.  Today she is worth over $2.5 billion.  She did not let the hardships of life get her down and neither should you.

If you have found yourself in a bad situation I implore you to have courage.  I know that in times it is easier said than done so do what I did and find yourself a bit of inspiration that you can play over and over again.  For me it was playing Rodney Atkins song, “If You’re Going Through Hell”.  If you are not a country music fan then maybe you will like the Simple Truths link below.  It features a poem by Paula Fox called, “Courage Doesn’t Always Roar.”

Whatever you do… just keep doing and don’t give up.  The best things in life you have to work the hardest for.

http://www.movieofcourage.com/?cm_mmc=CheetahMail-_-WK-_-10.08.11-_-CDARWeekendInsp

“If you’re going through hell, keep on going, don’t slow down.  If you’re scared don’t show it. You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.” By Rodney Atkins

I recently finished reading Grace by Richard Paul Evens.  It reminded me of how many women stay with abusive men (either physically or emotionally) because they think that they cannot make it on their own.  I am living proof that you can.  To prove it, let me tell you about my humble beginning.

I grew up in the small town of Price, Utah.  From the age of 5 to the age of 10, I lived on 5 acres just outside of town.  It was a wonderful existence.  My cousins lived just up the lane and we could go play for hours in the vast open space surrounding us.  We had a wash (dry creek bed) in our backyard that we often played in and went exploring in for miles.  We even built a great little fort in there using bushes for the walls and rocks and logs for furniture.  It quickly became the neighborhood hangout.  Then just after my mother’s 30th birthday my parents sat my sister, brother and me down and told us they were getting a divorce.  Not long after that, we moved from our wonderful home.  My mother rented a home in the center of town and my father rented a duplex on the east side of town.  After going back and forth between my mother’s home and my father’s for a while, my sister and I ended up living with my mother and my brother stayed with my father.

My mother, after getting pregnant at the young age of 16, dropped out of school and never even received her GED.  Therefore, her earning potential was very limited.  At the time of the divorce, she was working at the local drug store grossing $800 per month.  Yet she was determined to give my sister and me everything we wanted.  My sister became a cheerleader and I the high school mascot; both of which cost my mother a lot of money between uniforms, game trips, and national competitions.  Somehow, she made ends meet.  After watching my mother struggle so hard to put food on the table I swore I would never put myself in the same situation.  I was going to get married one time and work my hardest to not let it end in divorce.

Years later, I did get married and I quickly found out how hard it is to keep a marriage together.  There has to be a lot of compromise from both parties to make it work.  Though my husband never hit me, he was very verbally abusive.  He learned how to make me feel so worthless that I found myself scared to try anything hard.  At the time of our marriage, I was working on an engineering degree at the University of Utah.  He tried many times to talk me into quitting school but I was determined to finish.  However, it wasn’t long before I changed my major to Geography because it was easier and would not take as long to complete.  I also quit going to church because it was easier to not fight with him about me not being by his side for 2 hours on a Sunday morning.  The ultimate compromise I made was selling my rental property (a condo I owned before our marriage).  He told me that I either had to sell the property or we would get a divorce.  Since we had already had our first child and I was pregnant with our second at the time, I of course chose to keep my family together.  We tried marital counseling which seemed to help for a while but it did not take him long to go back to his verbally abusive ways.

Less than 5 months after selling my condo, my oldest child (who was 2 ½ at the time) announced, in front of her father, that he put his finger in an unthinkable place.  He denied it immediately and swore he would never do such a thing.  Not knowing what to do, I took her to her pediatrician but there was no evidence of abuse.  So I had to trust that he was innocent.  I tried to forget about the incident but it was not easy.  It was constantly in the back of my mind. At the time, I was pregnant and working part time at Salt Lake Community College with no benefits so there was no way I could leave even if I wanted to.  I found myself constantly praying about it.  Then May came and I gave birth to our second child and life seemed great again.  It was a big adjustment to having a second child.  Both my husband and my first child were very jealous of the baby.  I was so happy to be a mother again that I did not let it get me down.  I just dealt with it and kept moving forward (mostly because I did not know what else to do.)

Then August came and I found my oldest daughter doing something to herself that disturbed me.  When I asked her to stop, she said, “Why? Daddy does it to me.”  I felt as though life stopped altogether.  That evening I took her to Primary Children’s Hospital to report it.  After putting her through extremely invasive tests they determined that, again, there was no evidence of abuse.  It was me this time that gave the ultimatum.  I told him we had to go to counseling if we were going to make our marriage work.  Three weeks later, we still did not have an appointment for family counseling so I secretly found an apartment and left the last day of September.  When he came home from work that evening he found the house cleaned out of anything that was mine or the children’s.

Just like my mother, I found myslef a single mother at the age of 30.  I have looked back a number of times and wondered if I did the right thing.  I will even admit that I considered going back a couple of times.  But the one thing that kept me strong is the thought of my children and how much better off they are today because I got them out of that environment.  I do not know for sure if my husband really did the things my daughter said he did.  I do know that she is a completely different person now.  At the age of three she was so afraid of everything and everyone that she would not even play at a McDonald’s play area if there was anyone else anywhere near it (including children smaller than her).  Today at the age of 8, she is confident and strong and reading at a tenth grade level.  She loves doing gymnastics, helping others, and being the center of attention.  She gives me the strength I need to each day to continue being the example I need to be for her so that she can have a better future and be anything she wants to be.