By Michelle Rasmussen

After entering a building you hold the door open for the next person about to come through just after you. Your children are watching.  A child at the table next to you in a restaurant drops their toy over the back of your seat into your booth and you hand it back to them with a smile. Your children are watching. You are out shoveling the snow off your driveway and sidewalk and decide to help your neighbor by also taking care of their walks.  Your children are watching.  You watch a mother try to carry her groceries across a busy parking lot while holding the hand of an out of control toddler who causes her to drop everything in her arms and it scatters all over the parking lot.  Rather than walk by, without a word you stop to help her gather the scatter items, put them back in the bags, and into her arms.  Your children are watching.


I’m sure that we all recognize that setting examples of showing empathy towards others teaches our children to understand others, appreciate differences, and be caring as they notice others in need.  Teaching our children empathy helps them learn to stand in other people’s shoes.  But did you know that the way we allow others to treat us determines how our children will allow others to treat them? 
 
Think about this, when a young child watches their parent get hurt repeatedly by someone they love, it teaches the child that a person does not love you unless they hurt you. When a person cheats on their significant other and their children are aware of the infidelity, the children often grow up to cheat on their significant other or they continually end up with people that cheat on them.  Our children watch our every move. Even when we think they are unaware of what is really going on, they are watching.  They pick up on so much more than we give them credit for. So when they hear you tell a lie about where you have been or they watch you allow someone to lie to you, you are teaching them that lying is ok.  As they become teenagers, you might find them lying to you.  How you respond to those lies will set the stage and often determine if or how long the lies will continue.

I want to challenge you to make a New Year’s resolution right now to become the type of person you want your children to be. Because they are watching and one day, they will inevitably make the same mistakes you are making right now unless you do something about it.  As you resolve to do better, keep in mind that it will not be something
you can change overnight. The goal should be to become 1% better each day, not 100% better in one day.  From time to time you are going to stumble and you are going to fall.  Each time you do, pick yourself up and try again.  Don’t feel like you need to hide your failures from your children, let them learn from them just like you are.  Hopefully then they will not have to go through the same experiences to learn the same lessons.  

An old Japanese proverb says, “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” Teach this to your children by doing it yourself. Your children are watching.

 Three years ago, my children and I moved to Utah County from Salt Lake County.  Doing so made it more difficult for me to mentor single mothers at People Helping People in Salt Lake.  Recently I found out that they are expanding into Utah County which will make it much easier for me to work with them again.  It is very exciting because I know all the good they have done in Salt Lake County and now I will be able to be a part of something great again.

You may be asking the question, “What makes them so great?”  Before I answer that question, let me tell you a bit about why they exist.  People Helping People is dedicated to reducing the number of children living in poverty by teaching low-income women, primarily single mothers, how to earn a living wage.  So what is a living wage?  A living wage is calculated off of the self-sufficiency standard which is calculated according to where you live and takes into account how many people are living in your home, housing costs, food, taxes, and other essential living expenses.  The self-sufficiency standard for Utah can be found here: http://www.selfsufficiencystandard.org/docs/Utah%202001.pdf. 
What it says is that, assuming you have an average size family with three children, and you are a single parent, you would need to earn $46,000 per year in order to sustain your little family without the help of government programs, church, or family assistance.

Unfortunately, there are over 6,000 single moms in Utah County and 75% of them and their children live below the self-sufficiency standard.  Half of this group (38%) live below the poverty line.  That is why I am so excited that People Helping People is expanding into Utah County.  PHP’s Employment Program offers a unique, long term, one-on-one approach that teaches women how to get a good job, and seek and receive pay raises and promotions. In other words, they teach these women how to play the game of work.  

Utah is well known for its stay at home wife and mother population.  It is also getting better known for it’s rising divorce rates.  So it just makes sense to teach women how to earn a good living and be self-sufficient.  If you or someone you know is a single mother and could benefit from learning what People Helping People has to offer, please join us on October 3rd or 17th for a program overview.  After which, workshops will be held each Wednesday starting in October at Utah Valley University (UVU) at 723 S. 1200 W. in Orem.  Other dates are listed in the image below.  To quote Kayleen Simmons, “If you have to work, you may as well make it pay.”  Join us to learn how.

For more informaiton about People Helping People or to see schedules for Salt Lake and Weber Counties, go to: http://www.phputah.org/ or call Marva Sadler at 1.855.303.5300 or email her at marva@phputah.org

A couple weeks ago I traveled to Chicago and took my children with me. It was a great trip! We had so much fun making some great memories. But traveling with children has not always been fun for me. Let's face it, traveling with children can be hard. I remember traveling with my ex when we just had one child and I would stress out so bad that my hair would fall out in what seemed like handfuls.

Before we started having children, he often complained about children in public, and especially about children on planes. It was like nails on a chalkboard listening to him. So when we had our own, the thought of traveling with him drove me nuts. The last thing I wanted was for our daughter to get sick or cry on the plane and give him something to complain about. I really should have been more worried about my daughter's comfort for her sake rather than his.  

Then when I became single the thought of traveling and doing everything myself was overwhelming.   That is when I decided to always take someone with me when I travel. But let's face it… that is not always possible. The people around us are not always able to drop what they are doing to go play with us. So I had to learn how to do it all myself and I have learned some tricks along the way to take the stress out of traveling with children. Here they are: 

1.  Make a list of what needs to be packed in each person's bag.  Start this list about a week before so that as you go through the week you can add things you forgot. Better yet, create the list on your computer to use over and over again. 

Split the list into two sections. On one side of the  sheet, put items that you can pack at any time. (I typically pull these items  aside into a pile as I pull them out of the dryer as I am doing laundry. On the  other side of the list I put items that get packed at the last minute. Things  like toothbrushes, medicine, and favorite toys.

Once your children are old  enough to read the list, they can start packing for themselves and all you have  to do is go through the check list with them when they are done to be sure you  approve of the clothing they have chosen. (My youngest loves to pack nice  clothes for camping and camping clothes when she needs dress up  outfits) 

2. Even at a young age, encourage your children to pack their own  backpack of things to do while traveling. This could include snacks,  dolls/stuffed animals, small cars/trucks, coloring or reading books, or small  electronics. Just make sure that they chose quiet toys to help you and the  people around you keep your sanity while in route. Last but not least, teach  them to carry the pack themselves.  

3. Leave early and give yourself plenty of time for potty breaks.  How quickly we forget that their bladders are much smaller than ours. If you  feel rushed you will be tempted to tell them to hold it which can lead to  accidents and cost you more time because now you have to clean everything up.  By the way, if your little ones are still young enough that they have accidents, make sure you pack their bag at the top or put a change of clothing in their backpack for easy access.

4. If you are going on vacation and you can avoid  agendas or schedules, I highly recommend it. As a parent we spend so much time  rushing from one thing to another (soccer, piano, dance, gymnastics, martial  arts, school, work... you get the idea). Vacation should be a break. A time to  do whatever makes you happy... Not stress you out.  So plan some activities but don't set a time to do them or a time limit.  If you do have to schedule things, make sure the schedule is flexible so that if you are having a lot of fun you can enjoy what you are doing just a little bit longer.

When my girls and I leave the house for a trip, they know that if they ask me  what time it is the answer will be "vacation time".   

5. If you are planning on going somewhere you  have never been before I highly recommend you search the internet for deals on  attractions.  Citypass.com has  some GREAT deals on select cities.   We took advantage of it while in Chicago and basically for the price of  admission to two attractions, we had the option of going to 5 different  attractions.  So our goal was to  hit at least two of the attractions just to justify the cost of the books.  Luckily, we  were able to hit 4 of the 5 attractions available to us.   Not too bad for a three day trip. 

As you are searching the internet for things to keep you entertained, don’t forget to  look at the times everything is open.   This is a mistake I almost made in Chicago.   After buying the city passes, we found that almost everything on the pass  closed between 4:30 and 6:00 pm.   This limited what we could reasonably get to but also opened up the door  to see other sights in the evening that we were not planning on like Navy Peer and the fun water  taxi ride that we took to get from one attraction to  another. 

6. Look for hotels that cater to children.  Many hotels have deals where kids stay  and play or stay and eat free with a paying adult.  This is true of Snowbird here in Utah.  That is why the last two summers we have taken a mini  vacation (one night) up the canyon to enjoy Oktoberfest at Snowbird where we enjoy free  rides on the tram, a great meal at one of the resort restaurants, and all day  activity passes for all the fun things they have going on.   It is a great way to save money and create lasting  memories. 

I want to hear from you. How do you create great memories while  keeping your sanity when traveling with  children?

I started the Village of Life as a way to bring awareness to others that single parenting is harder than co-parenting but it does not have to be.   If people would join together and help each other like they used to, then single
parents would not feel so alone and outnumbered by their children.

Once upon a time, society worked a whole lot different.  People took on the attitude that it takes a village to raise a child.   That means that if a child was misbehaving in public it was likely that an adult that knew the child’s family would correct that child. Then they would tell the child’s family who would also correct the child.  Even complete strangers would step up and tell children to straighten up. But now days, if a stranger corrects a child, they are looked down upon; even yelled at by the child’s parents for stepping in.  When did things change?  And more importantly, WHY?

Let me give you an example. When I was dating an individual that came from a large family (before I had children of my own) we went to Lake Powell with his family.  We attempted to fit his parents, his 5 siblings, and all their children on one house boat.  It was a very fun trip but can you say overcrowded?  Luckily we took a tent to sleep on shore.  One evening after motoring around the lake all day, we pulled up to shore to dock for the evening so that those with tents could get their beds set up.  
 
Now, docking a large house boat can be a tedious task.  It takes concentration and a lot of coordination between the driver and others around the boat to get the ropes out, anchor out and placed, and ropes tied off to it properly. 
It can also be dangerous if you are not careful.


On this evening, there were three young boys who wanted to fish but were told “No” by their grandfather. You see, he was busy trying to get the boat anchored and parked in a way that those going to shore did not have to step in the water if they did not want to.  Upset to be told “No” they complained to their mother who quickly reversed their grandfather’s decision.  Coming from a family that does not tolerate a parent overriding another adult without asking why they made the decision they did, I stepped in and explained the situation to the mother.  Expecting her to see the wisdom her father-in-law demonstrated by telling them “no” in the first place, I was dumb founded when she told me to stay out of it because she was their mother and I had no right butting in.  I had to step away from the situation completely in order to refrain from making an enemy out of this women.

Over the years, I have upset plenty of parents by butting in and telling children to stop doing something they shouldn’t.  Some of these parents have been my friends but many have not.  I can tell you this, I would much rather make an enemy of a friend for stepping in when they think I shouldn’t have than see a child get hurt because I saw them doing something they should not have been doing.  So the next time you see a child or young teenager doing something they shouldn't, speak up and help me bring back the village to help keep our children safe.