By Michelle Rasmussen

After entering a building you hold the door open for the next person about to come through just after you. Your children are watching.  A child at the table next to you in a restaurant drops their toy over the back of your seat into your booth and you hand it back to them with a smile. Your children are watching. You are out shoveling the snow off your driveway and sidewalk and decide to help your neighbor by also taking care of their walks.  Your children are watching.  You watch a mother try to carry her groceries across a busy parking lot while holding the hand of an out of control toddler who causes her to drop everything in her arms and it scatters all over the parking lot.  Rather than walk by, without a word you stop to help her gather the scatter items, put them back in the bags, and into her arms.  Your children are watching.


I’m sure that we all recognize that setting examples of showing empathy towards others teaches our children to understand others, appreciate differences, and be caring as they notice others in need.  Teaching our children empathy helps them learn to stand in other people’s shoes.  But did you know that the way we allow others to treat us determines how our children will allow others to treat them? 
 
Think about this, when a young child watches their parent get hurt repeatedly by someone they love, it teaches the child that a person does not love you unless they hurt you. When a person cheats on their significant other and their children are aware of the infidelity, the children often grow up to cheat on their significant other or they continually end up with people that cheat on them.  Our children watch our every move. Even when we think they are unaware of what is really going on, they are watching.  They pick up on so much more than we give them credit for. So when they hear you tell a lie about where you have been or they watch you allow someone to lie to you, you are teaching them that lying is ok.  As they become teenagers, you might find them lying to you.  How you respond to those lies will set the stage and often determine if or how long the lies will continue.

I want to challenge you to make a New Year’s resolution right now to become the type of person you want your children to be. Because they are watching and one day, they will inevitably make the same mistakes you are making right now unless you do something about it.  As you resolve to do better, keep in mind that it will not be something
you can change overnight. The goal should be to become 1% better each day, not 100% better in one day.  From time to time you are going to stumble and you are going to fall.  Each time you do, pick yourself up and try again.  Don’t feel like you need to hide your failures from your children, let them learn from them just like you are.  Hopefully then they will not have to go through the same experiences to learn the same lessons.  

An old Japanese proverb says, “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” Teach this to your children by doing it yourself. Your children are watching.

Written by Martin Hurlburt, CFS

Experience is the best teacher. But it doesn’t have to be your experience!

Over the past 17 years, I’ve noticed patterns that repeat themselves in the lives of people who continually struggle with money. Financial failure does not happen overnight or even because of a recession or a layoff. Rather, it is the result of a series of small decisions that don’t seem to matter at the time. During the current economic turmoil it is more important than ever that you learn what steps will lead to your financial ruin and then do the opposite!

The first step to financial ruin is to not invest in you. Don’t get a good education. Don’t improve your skills by reading books, taking self-improvement courses, and learning all that you can about your profession. Do the absolute minimum to get by rather than making an effort to excel.

Success people invest in themselves by learning all that they can about their profession. They have no problem putting time, money, and energy into increasing their economic value.

The second step for failure is to spend all that you make. If you earn $25,000 then spend $25,000. If you make $250,000 then spend $250,000. Develop an attitude of “I deserve to enjoy myself now.”

Successful people spend less than they make. They take a portion of everything they earn and put it into their business or other investments.

The third step is to refuse to take responsibility for you. Blame your employer, the economy, the high cost of living, the expense of raising children and government taxes. Be creative as you justify your spending habits and lack of savings. Soon you’ll actually begin to believe your excuses.

Successful people take charge of their lives rather than feel sorry for themselves. They live by the creed ‘If it is to be, it is up to me’.

The fourth step is to wait for the best time to begin saving. When you are in school, wait until you graduate. When you graduate, wait until you buy your first home. When you buy your first home, wait until you get the place fixed up. By that time you’ll have kids in little league and dance school. Before you know it, they will be in college. Finally, you’ll be in your fifties with little or no money. That’s when you’ll move on to the last step.

Successful people realize that it will never get an easier to save money. They know that earning interest rather than paying interest is a key component to their success.

Step number five is to ignore sound financial principles and try and catch up by gambling what little savings you have by investing in high-risk ventures. Be sure to pay thousands of dollars to attend seminars where “experts” will teach you the “inside secrets” for amassing wealth. Ignore the fact that one well known “expert” lost over $800,000 in 1998 trading stocks but made $110,000,000 selling books and seminars on how to invest.

Successful people apply sound financial principles. They constantly strive to increase their income. They have adequate protection, maintain an emergency reserve, and invest systematically for the future.

To be a financial success invest, in yourself, spend less than you make, take responsibility, start saving now, and use sound financial principles.

It’s your money. It’s your future. Take charge!

Wealth Management Systems is dedicated to helping you create, manage, and protect your wealth.

Living in Utah I watch the majority of my female friends and neighbors stay at home and be full time wives and mothers. Many of them have gardens that they tend to all summer so they can grow their own food. Then they harvest that food and make wonderful, fresh, homemade meals or they take the time to can it so that they have low preservative food stores available year-round.

As much as I would love to do the same, the reality is that I just don't have the time it takes to grow my own garden or can my own food. So when my neighbors and friends share recipes with me that require peeling, chopping, or dicing, I have a choice to make. I can feel bad for not having time or energy to do all that chopping or I can find ways to make the best of the situation. Rather than toss those yummy recipes out the door that require chopping, I take a shortcut and keep pre-chopped veggies on hand in my freezer. My favorite is chopped onions since onions go in so many recipes. I also keep mixed veggies around so I can add them to any meat leftovers to make a quick stir fry dinner. Just add a little teriyaki sauce and sesame seeds and it is almost as good as something you would pay a lot of money for at any Teppanyaki Grill restaurant.

I love when I am able to make one dish meals because they leave less dishes to clean up, take less energy, and I have more time to get to all the other things I need to get done (laundry, grocery shopping, helping kids with homework, etc). Not to mention the nutritional value my family gets out of it.

So rather than feel bad for not having more time to grow my own garden, I am thankful that I have found ways to be more efficient without my family missing out on good nutritional meals. I'd love to hear what qualities in yourself you have learned to love once you finally decided to let go of trying to be perfect.

This weekend I had the opportunity to make a new friend.  She is a very beautiful woman and very giving with her time.  As I was getting to know her, I was struck by a comment that she made to me.  We were talking about dating, camping, fishing, and a variety of other topics all at once and she said, “Yeah, I’m not much of a catch.” 

At first I thought she meant that she was not very good at catching fish. Then I realized that she was talking about herself.  Hearing this made me sad for her.  Here is this amazing woman and she doesn’t think she is much of a catch.  How can she not see how amazing she is?  It made me realize that there are a great number of women that feel this way about themselves.  Too often we let the harsh words of people around us touch us much too deeply and allow these words to create negative feelings about ourselves. 

That is why I am going to ask you to do an exercise this week.  I want you to look at the questions below and write down in a journal that only you will see the answers to these questions. Then we are going to take a journey together to help us change for the better how we feel about ourselves.  So go get a pad of paper and let’s get started.  Ready?

1. What do you think about yourself?

2. What do you think about your relationships?

3. Now consider what you just wrote.  Why do you think about yourself and your  relationships that way?

4. Are you surprised with what you wrote? Pleased? Saddened?

5. Is there anything that you want to change?

Action is the key to making positive changes in your life.  But before you can take action, you have to make a decision on what you want out of life.  Do you want success or do you want failure?  If you want success, then I highly suggest that you watch this short excerpt from my favorite book of all times… “The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale.

Remember, your mind is like a garden, what you plant in it is up to you.  Why not plant beautiful  things in it to enjoy throughout the day? Do yourself a favor and write three positive things about yourself and your relationships.  Then read them multiple times throughout the day, especially first thing when you wake up and right before laying down to sleep.  If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts pull out your paper immediately and read the positive ones.  After doing this for two weeks, go back to your journal and answer the questions above again.  You may not see immediate results but hopefully you will begin to feel differently about yourself over time.  Because you are AMAZING!  Just ask someone who loves you.

http://play.simpletruths.com/movie/the-strangest-secret/

If you are a single parent, at some point you are going to consider getting involved with someone and possibly even consider marriage.  If that happens, then you will also have to consider what to do with your children.  I’m not saying that you would or should consider letting your ex take your children full time just because you have found someone you really care about; but let’s face it…. Getting into a relationship when you have children is so much more complicated than it was before you had children.  If you want to go out on a date, you have to find a babysitter.  If you have to hire a babysitter, that costs money, and then you need to think about how often you can afford to go out.  If you do things with your children, you run the risk of your children getting hurt if the relationship does not work out.  There are just a lot of things to think about.

When my brother started dating his wife, she already had a little girl.  He loved hanging out with her but had a very hard time dealing with her daughter.  The fact of the matter is that we all have our own way with dealing with  children and our way might not always be the same way as the person you care a lot about, as was the case with my brother.  

Usually, when you are young and meet someone you want to date then eventually marry, you do not have to think a lot about their parenting style because neither of you have children.  You are able to have children with that person and come to terms with each other’s parenting style and learn and grow as parents together.  When you walk into a relationship where children are already present, it creates some unique growing experiences.  
 
For quite a few years my brother had an on again off again relationship with the love of his life. Even after they were married they struggled with parenting as many couples do when they walk into an instant family.  I think that the turning point for them was when my brother made the choice to start acting like his wife’s daughter was also his daughter.  Then she was no longer just his wife’s responsibility but both of their responsibility.  It was a change in mindset that changed everything.  He no longer felt like if he disciplined her daughter that she would undermine his decision.  When they took the “his and hers” out of their vocabulary, they were able to finally start acting like one.  To this day they are extremely happy and still very much in love.

Thinking back to my own failed marriage, everything throughout our marriage was “his and hers”. There was not much that was ours.  I often felt like we were more roommates than husband and wife.  We lived in his house, with his furniture, his bikes were in the garage, and so on. This separation never hit me so hard as it did one night when I was preparing for an interview for a part time job that would allow me to make more money than he was making at a full time job. It bothered him a great deal that I would make more money than he was so he proceeded to get very drunk and vulgar. Rather than listen to him rant and rave, I put my daughter to bed, then went to bed myself. 
He finally came to bed many hours later still ranting and raving and woke me up doing so.  I told him I wasn’t going to put up with it so he needed to just shut up and go to sleep. Well this upset him even more so he told me, “Maybe you should just get out and take your kid with you.”  That is when I realized that I was already a single parent even though I was still married to my child’s father.

I think that in any marriage, if you label things as “his or hers”, even if it is your first marriage, you have doomed it to fail.  This is even more true if you each bring children into the mix.  Your new spouse, and your children for that matter, need to know that you stand united when it comes to discipline and consequences as well as rewards.  I do understand that it can be hard to allow your new spouse to call your children his if your ex is still a big part of their lives.  But you need to come to some agreement on a co-parenting plan that everyone can live with so that it does not destroy your relationship.

My mother’s marriage nearly ended when my step-brother moved in with us because he learned very quickly how to play two ends to the middle with my mother and step dad.  If my mother told him he could not do something, he would immediately go to my dad and ask him instead.  This is natural for children to do.  What is not natural, or good for the relationship, is for the other parent to go against the first adult’s decision and make them feel undermined. Even though my dad did not realize he was doing it, it angered my mother beyond belief.   

We laugh at sitcoms that show the dad deferring back to the mom on permission to do something when they ask, What did your mom say?”  But parents that do this send a clear message that they can not play their parents against each other.  That is why communication and unification is so important when it comes to parenting. You owe it to yourself and your significant other to communicate on every level.  Doing so will save your relationship with your significant other and make better children in the process.

Even with the best communication between you and your spouse, you are going to run into problems and you are going to get frustrated.  The trick is to be fiercely loyal to each other because there will come a day when your children are on their own and it will be just you and your spouse left at home.  That is if you are strong enough to stand united.

I started Village of Life to help women change their lives and know that they can have something better.  That is the one thing that I love most about this life is that we all have the freedom to choose our own path. No one can stand in our way unless we let them.  We can decide to pull ourselves up by the boot straps and make our lives better and we can choose to help someone else do the same.  Watch this short inspirational movie from Simple Truths, then leave your comment on what you want for your life and what one thing will you change to make it happen.

http://play.simpletruths.com/movie/one-choice/?cm_mmc=CheetahMail-_-MO-_-09.17.12-_-ONCHmovie-USCAXX-&utm_source=CheetahMail&utm_campaign=ONCHmovie

Not everyone has a family able to help them, but if your family is able to help you, would you let them?  Allowing someone to help you takes a lot of humbling on your part.  Below is a story that I am re-posting from LearnVest from a girl who had to humble herself after college by moving back in with her parents and what she learned from the experience.  I wanted to share it with you because it is a helpful reminder that we can not always do it alone and it is ok to accept help from others.  Even though I have been fortunate enough to never have to move back in with my mother, I have had to humble myself to borrow money from her after racking up over $50,000 in attorney debt from my divorce and long custody battle.  As hard as it was to accept my mother's help, I have to admit that I would do it again to insure my children's safety and health.

MONEY MIC: WHY I MOVED BACK IN WITH MY PARENTS by LearnVest
According to a nationwide survey conducted by LearnVest and Chase Card Services, a  division of JPMC, fully 40% of LearnVest readers have lived with their parents after age 21 and 7% of LearnVest readers live with their parents right now. So today, one 20-something shares her story of why she chose to move back home–and  how she managed to move back out.

Living at home after graduation was a reality I refused to accept.
2009 was a dismal year to graduate: the toughest job market in decades, with more than two million college grads unemployed and 80% of young adults living at home. Still, I refused to believe that I could be one of them.

Up until that point, my life had followed a certain formula for success: Do your homework and study, and you’ll get into AP classes. Check. Play varsity sports and ace the SAT, and you’ll get into a good college. Check. Work hard and graduate with honors, and you’ll get a good job. Fail.

I graduated from Washington and Lee University that June with $14,000 in student loans and zero job prospects in my chosen field: journalism. I accepted my diploma, packed up my parents’ car, and went right on back to my childhood home.

Not in the Plan
Growing up in suburban New Jersey in the shadow of the Big Apple, New York City always seemed intimidating. Then the summer before graduation, I won a scholarship to live there while interning at a national magazine. Immediately, I fell in love—with both city life and the magazine industry.

After the internship, I sold my car, convinced that I would live in the land of subways after graduation (and relishing in the extra money my lack of insurance payments offered me). Then the economy took a turn for the worse. The tentative job offer from my internship vanished as the magazine instead made cuts.

I doggedly refused to accept living with my parents as permanent. I got a job at a local day care to earn money and stay busy before I surely would land my dream job and move to the city. Slowly, though, reality started to creep
in.

Two weeks turned into two months. My naïve optimism waned. There I was, sleeping in my old twin bed in the shadow of the city where I wanted to live, making minimum wage and hitching rides around my hometown from my mom. I blinked hard and realized: I had hit rock bottom.

No Coddling From the ‘Rents
My parents were kind enough to not charge me rent while I was under their roof, mostly because I think they too saw my time home as temporary. Plus after I had just spent four years of college living seven hours away, they were honestly happy to have me home. But the truth was they had become empty nesters, and my coming home was effectively crashing their nest. As hard as moving back was for me, it was just as hard for them. While I had to adjust to being treated like a teenager again, they had to adjust to having an adult in the house.

Living with them after college, I had the bad parts of being a kid again (curfew and chores) but not the good (when I came home from work, dinner was conspicuously missing from the kitchen table). With my dad away during the week for work and my older sister living on her own, my mom had no reason to make family meals anymore. The first time I asked what was for supper, she raised her eyebrows and laughed, “I don’t know, dear. What are you making for yourself?”

My parents have always tried to teach me the value of a hard-earned dollar. They paid what they could of my expensive tuition and expected me to fund the rest. I worked after-school and summer jobs from age 14 to college and put $10,000 toward tuition by the end of my freshman year.

Sure, I would have loved to move to New York right out of college. Believe me, it’s no fun to share a shower schedule with your mother. But I felt like I had no choice: I simply couldn’t afford to pay rent until I had a steady paycheck to sign over to a landlord.

How  This Affected Me
Living at home did a number on my confidence.

Facebook and I had a falling out because pictures of apartments and friends’ happy hours made me resentful—especially of those fortunate few whose post-graduate educations and rent payments were like an all-expenses paid vacation courtesy of mom and dad. (Something that is apparently all too common.) My parents wanted to help me get on my own two feet, but they weren’t about to go broke doing it for me.

So I avoided gatherings where the inevitable “What are you doing?” question might be asked. College reunions? No, thank you. It was embarrassing enough to run into my ex-boyfriend’s parents in the supermarket and explain my “situation.” In my mind, it was less humiliating to job search in private than to admit my failure in front of others. Looking back, I shouldn’t have shied away from networking—plenty of 20-somethings were in the same boat as me. But I was fixated only on what I didn’t have.

Hello, Reality
After three months at home, my obstinate fixation on a dream job in the dream city started to subside. I was job searching daily and going on interviews, but to no avail. So while still living at home, I took a minimum-wage internship at a regional magazine. My commute and my $8-an-hour salary were next to nothing, so I figured I’d stay put until something better came along.

Eight months in, I was promoted to a salaried position. The job wasn’t glamorous, but as part of a small staff, I learned quicker and wore more hats than I might have elsewhere.

Meanwhile, I continued to work as a glorified babysitter at the day care a few nights a week at $8 an hour to supplement my income. Even with that, I was making under $28,000. I had no magic number in mind that I’d need before I moved out of my parents’ house, but I felt the freedom of living on my own was out of reach.

Having $14,000 in student loans felt so crushing that it was a relief not to worry about rent or groceries. I consolidated my four loans into two monthly payments totaling around $200 a month, and gradually increased the payments as my savings account swelled. Since my main expenses at home were gas and social activities (hardly expensive in suburban Jersey, where a night out meant $1 PBRs at a local dive bar), I eventually managed to save close to $10,000.

Then, as I approached my two-year anniversary of living with my parents, a friend transferred to New York for work and asked to be roommates. My biggest fear was moving out prematurely and having to return home with my tail between my legs. Even though I had saved up a chunk of change from my time at home, I wanted to keep it safe to help pay off my student loans instead of living off of it. But it felt like an opportunity was finally being handed to me. I couldn’t pass it up.

Slummin’ It
My first apartment was a dump located just across the river from New York, where the rent is cheaper. Our bathroom could only fit one person at a time, and my bedroom, the smallest of the three, was just big enough to house a desk, a small dresser and my very first queen-sized bed. When it rained, the skylight in the hallway leading to our unit became a waterfall, and in the fall, a family of mice decided to move in.

But every teeny, tiny square inch of it was finally mine.

At $875 a month, my rent was comparatively cheap. Still, it was a whopping 53% of my monthly take-home (and LearnVest recommends you only spend 50% of your income on all essentials, including rent, groceries, utilities and transportation). I should have budgeted before jumping in, but in my excitement, that fell to the bottom of my to-do list. Somewhere between outfitting the apartment, celebrating with friends over drinks and trying restaurants down the street, I emptied the $2,000 in my checking account within my first month living on my own.

So I modified my spending. On Tuesdays when the office went out for lunch, I brown-bagged it at my desk. I kept the walls in my room bare for six months, rather than filling them with newly-purchased art. And I stopped buying
clothing—even a $15 Forever 21 dress adds up when it becomes a regular cost. I also started to track every penny I spent to see where it was going—a habit I still have today (LearnVest has a free tool that can do it for you, too). Those first few months were hard, but I relished the independence of doing it on my own.

Turns out that putting myself into an uncomfortable financial situation was just the push I needed. By the fall, I landed a new job, finally in the city at a national magazine with clout. I saw it as a compromise: The title was slightly lower, but the $10,000 salary increase helped ease my financial woes. I felt like I could breathe easy again. A few months later, I gave myself the best Christmas present ever: I paid off the remainder of my student loans.

What I Learned
E.M. Forster said, “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” I’ve tried to adopt that as my mantra, even when it seems impossible to let go of my expectations.

Responsible financial decisions, like shacking up in your high school bedroom to save money, or taking an underpaying job that will eventually enhance your career, are not always easy.

Going home after graduation is not something that I am necessarily proud of, even in hindsight. On my lowest days, I wonder what opportunities I missed in both my personal life and my career by living with my parents. Yet I also know that I gained a lot, financially and emotionally, from my time at home.

I developed a real, adult relationship with my parents. They’re no longer just Mom and Dad (or worse, a bank account). They’re friends. I started dating someone who also lived at home, whom I would not have met if I had moved straight to New York. I saved up enough money to pay off my loans and build my own emergency fund. (Here’s more on emergency funds.)

Even now, I still worry about my finances, my career, my living situation. I don’t think I would be a normal 20-something year old if I didn’t. Living at home was not the path I thought I would take, but looking back, I wouldn’t trade it for a crappy apartment of my own, two years earlier.

 Three years ago, my children and I moved to Utah County from Salt Lake County.  Doing so made it more difficult for me to mentor single mothers at People Helping People in Salt Lake.  Recently I found out that they are expanding into Utah County which will make it much easier for me to work with them again.  It is very exciting because I know all the good they have done in Salt Lake County and now I will be able to be a part of something great again.

You may be asking the question, “What makes them so great?”  Before I answer that question, let me tell you a bit about why they exist.  People Helping People is dedicated to reducing the number of children living in poverty by teaching low-income women, primarily single mothers, how to earn a living wage.  So what is a living wage?  A living wage is calculated off of the self-sufficiency standard which is calculated according to where you live and takes into account how many people are living in your home, housing costs, food, taxes, and other essential living expenses.  The self-sufficiency standard for Utah can be found here: http://www.selfsufficiencystandard.org/docs/Utah%202001.pdf. 
What it says is that, assuming you have an average size family with three children, and you are a single parent, you would need to earn $46,000 per year in order to sustain your little family without the help of government programs, church, or family assistance.

Unfortunately, there are over 6,000 single moms in Utah County and 75% of them and their children live below the self-sufficiency standard.  Half of this group (38%) live below the poverty line.  That is why I am so excited that People Helping People is expanding into Utah County.  PHP’s Employment Program offers a unique, long term, one-on-one approach that teaches women how to get a good job, and seek and receive pay raises and promotions. In other words, they teach these women how to play the game of work.  

Utah is well known for its stay at home wife and mother population.  It is also getting better known for it’s rising divorce rates.  So it just makes sense to teach women how to earn a good living and be self-sufficient.  If you or someone you know is a single mother and could benefit from learning what People Helping People has to offer, please join us on October 3rd or 17th for a program overview.  After which, workshops will be held each Wednesday starting in October at Utah Valley University (UVU) at 723 S. 1200 W. in Orem.  Other dates are listed in the image below.  To quote Kayleen Simmons, “If you have to work, you may as well make it pay.”  Join us to learn how.

For more informaiton about People Helping People or to see schedules for Salt Lake and Weber Counties, go to: http://www.phputah.org/ or call Marva Sadler at 1.855.303.5300 or email her at marva@phputah.org

A couple weeks ago I traveled to Chicago and took my children with me. It was a great trip! We had so much fun making some great memories. But traveling with children has not always been fun for me. Let's face it, traveling with children can be hard. I remember traveling with my ex when we just had one child and I would stress out so bad that my hair would fall out in what seemed like handfuls.

Before we started having children, he often complained about children in public, and especially about children on planes. It was like nails on a chalkboard listening to him. So when we had our own, the thought of traveling with him drove me nuts. The last thing I wanted was for our daughter to get sick or cry on the plane and give him something to complain about. I really should have been more worried about my daughter's comfort for her sake rather than his.  

Then when I became single the thought of traveling and doing everything myself was overwhelming.   That is when I decided to always take someone with me when I travel. But let's face it… that is not always possible. The people around us are not always able to drop what they are doing to go play with us. So I had to learn how to do it all myself and I have learned some tricks along the way to take the stress out of traveling with children. Here they are: 

1.  Make a list of what needs to be packed in each person's bag.  Start this list about a week before so that as you go through the week you can add things you forgot. Better yet, create the list on your computer to use over and over again. 

Split the list into two sections. On one side of the  sheet, put items that you can pack at any time. (I typically pull these items  aside into a pile as I pull them out of the dryer as I am doing laundry. On the  other side of the list I put items that get packed at the last minute. Things  like toothbrushes, medicine, and favorite toys.

Once your children are old  enough to read the list, they can start packing for themselves and all you have  to do is go through the check list with them when they are done to be sure you  approve of the clothing they have chosen. (My youngest loves to pack nice  clothes for camping and camping clothes when she needs dress up  outfits) 

2. Even at a young age, encourage your children to pack their own  backpack of things to do while traveling. This could include snacks,  dolls/stuffed animals, small cars/trucks, coloring or reading books, or small  electronics. Just make sure that they chose quiet toys to help you and the  people around you keep your sanity while in route. Last but not least, teach  them to carry the pack themselves.  

3. Leave early and give yourself plenty of time for potty breaks.  How quickly we forget that their bladders are much smaller than ours. If you  feel rushed you will be tempted to tell them to hold it which can lead to  accidents and cost you more time because now you have to clean everything up.  By the way, if your little ones are still young enough that they have accidents, make sure you pack their bag at the top or put a change of clothing in their backpack for easy access.

4. If you are going on vacation and you can avoid  agendas or schedules, I highly recommend it. As a parent we spend so much time  rushing from one thing to another (soccer, piano, dance, gymnastics, martial  arts, school, work... you get the idea). Vacation should be a break. A time to  do whatever makes you happy... Not stress you out.  So plan some activities but don't set a time to do them or a time limit.  If you do have to schedule things, make sure the schedule is flexible so that if you are having a lot of fun you can enjoy what you are doing just a little bit longer.

When my girls and I leave the house for a trip, they know that if they ask me  what time it is the answer will be "vacation time".   

5. If you are planning on going somewhere you  have never been before I highly recommend you search the internet for deals on  attractions.  Citypass.com has  some GREAT deals on select cities.   We took advantage of it while in Chicago and basically for the price of  admission to two attractions, we had the option of going to 5 different  attractions.  So our goal was to  hit at least two of the attractions just to justify the cost of the books.  Luckily, we  were able to hit 4 of the 5 attractions available to us.   Not too bad for a three day trip. 

As you are searching the internet for things to keep you entertained, don’t forget to  look at the times everything is open.   This is a mistake I almost made in Chicago.   After buying the city passes, we found that almost everything on the pass  closed between 4:30 and 6:00 pm.   This limited what we could reasonably get to but also opened up the door  to see other sights in the evening that we were not planning on like Navy Peer and the fun water  taxi ride that we took to get from one attraction to  another. 

6. Look for hotels that cater to children.  Many hotels have deals where kids stay  and play or stay and eat free with a paying adult.  This is true of Snowbird here in Utah.  That is why the last two summers we have taken a mini  vacation (one night) up the canyon to enjoy Oktoberfest at Snowbird where we enjoy free  rides on the tram, a great meal at one of the resort restaurants, and all day  activity passes for all the fun things they have going on.   It is a great way to save money and create lasting  memories. 

I want to hear from you. How do you create great memories while  keeping your sanity when traveling with  children?

I started the Village of Life as a way to bring awareness to others that single parenting is harder than co-parenting but it does not have to be.   If people would join together and help each other like they used to, then single
parents would not feel so alone and outnumbered by their children.

Once upon a time, society worked a whole lot different.  People took on the attitude that it takes a village to raise a child.   That means that if a child was misbehaving in public it was likely that an adult that knew the child’s family would correct that child. Then they would tell the child’s family who would also correct the child.  Even complete strangers would step up and tell children to straighten up. But now days, if a stranger corrects a child, they are looked down upon; even yelled at by the child’s parents for stepping in.  When did things change?  And more importantly, WHY?

Let me give you an example. When I was dating an individual that came from a large family (before I had children of my own) we went to Lake Powell with his family.  We attempted to fit his parents, his 5 siblings, and all their children on one house boat.  It was a very fun trip but can you say overcrowded?  Luckily we took a tent to sleep on shore.  One evening after motoring around the lake all day, we pulled up to shore to dock for the evening so that those with tents could get their beds set up.  
 
Now, docking a large house boat can be a tedious task.  It takes concentration and a lot of coordination between the driver and others around the boat to get the ropes out, anchor out and placed, and ropes tied off to it properly. 
It can also be dangerous if you are not careful.


On this evening, there were three young boys who wanted to fish but were told “No” by their grandfather. You see, he was busy trying to get the boat anchored and parked in a way that those going to shore did not have to step in the water if they did not want to.  Upset to be told “No” they complained to their mother who quickly reversed their grandfather’s decision.  Coming from a family that does not tolerate a parent overriding another adult without asking why they made the decision they did, I stepped in and explained the situation to the mother.  Expecting her to see the wisdom her father-in-law demonstrated by telling them “no” in the first place, I was dumb founded when she told me to stay out of it because she was their mother and I had no right butting in.  I had to step away from the situation completely in order to refrain from making an enemy out of this women.

Over the years, I have upset plenty of parents by butting in and telling children to stop doing something they shouldn’t.  Some of these parents have been my friends but many have not.  I can tell you this, I would much rather make an enemy of a friend for stepping in when they think I shouldn’t have than see a child get hurt because I saw them doing something they should not have been doing.  So the next time you see a child or young teenager doing something they shouldn't, speak up and help me bring back the village to help keep our children safe.